So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
