and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
