She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we're so committed to being not committed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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