Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
