whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
