great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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