Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You made out with two different species that night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
