Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
