remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
