Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
