i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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