Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
