thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he was CRYING into my vagina
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
