Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
