I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am midnight drunk by noon
the day after is always just damage control
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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