the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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