Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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