Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
