glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
