I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
