No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
