He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Randomize