put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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