she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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