omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
