Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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