Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
