I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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