you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
