Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
