I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
