What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
