nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
