Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
