dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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