i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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