Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
