I'll bet she douches with gravy.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
