I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
