do herpes really smell.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
