This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
