Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
