Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
tell me about the fingering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize