people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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