Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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