Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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