Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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