dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
