This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
