Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
