Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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