Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
