I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
