We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
