Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
