You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
