This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
