Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
