he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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