I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
