mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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