My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
