Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
