You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Terrible idea I love it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
