If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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