He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
