FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
