id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
