You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
