is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just found puke in my bra..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
