I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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